Dealing with life
Symptom
When I was 21 I did something silly and went to a doctor for help. He referred me to a pyschiatrist and after a 30 minute meeting he unemotionally told me that he thought I had been abused. I left immediately and resolved to myself that I would never ask for help again. Until that point abuse had never entered my head – I just thought I was lonely and unhappy, suffering from depression.
I then buried my problems for over 10 years and just got on with my life. Having pretty much looked after myself since I was 15, I was pretty good at it; I had a great job, lots of friends and met my perfect husband. Every so often though there would be a niggle in the back of my mind but I generally dismissed it and got on with things.
However, when I had my children the cracks started to appear again and by the time I had my third child I was on my knees. I collapsed in a heap one November evening when my youngest child was about 7 months old and over the next three months I got slowly worse and worse.
My husband tried to help, but he put my state largely down to me having given up work and now looking after 3 children full time. He had no idea how bad I was and I would never have let him know.
I managed to get through the day but I had a huge grey cloud over my head and everything looked grey and fuzzy, I felt that I could sleep all day given half the chance and I did not really think it was me living my life – it was almost as if I was on the outside looking in.
At one point I did not even think the children were really mine – I was just looking after them. I swung from that thought to that something awful was about to happen and they would be taken away from me somehow. I functioned on a daily basis and to the outside world I probably appeared ok (not great but ok) but inside I was crumbling, I was paranoid – everyone hated me and was talking about me and I convinced myself that I was an awful mother, wife and person.
My Solution
I went to see a homeopath and a cranial osteopath and for me they were my saving grace. Together they pulled me apart (slowly and with me totally in control) and built me back together again. They allowed me to understand what had happened to make me feel so low and that circumstances in my life had caused it, not me and that I could find a place that I was happy with.
That was 5 years ago,and what a difference it has made! That’s not to say I don’t have bad days and my children don’t drive me mad at times because that would not be real. But I no longer exist, I live! I wake up every morning excited to see another day, not with a complete fear in my stomach. I can also cope with life’s obstacles because I know I’m not alone and that if I just ask for help somehow it will happen. The best thing is that I have got here without taking any drugs, seeing a pyschiatrist, hitting the bottle or losing my marbles completely.
Yes it has taken time but at all times I have been in control and I have done it a bit at a time. I understand why I felt the way I did and therefore I can’t go back to that state again because I know how to deal with the issues and how to get around them. I cannot express how thankful I am that I found the help that worked for me and how it has transformed my life. The important thing is that somehow I asked for help again and this time it was there.
In addition to this I had a group of friends who all had their 3rd child at the same time as me and we all met up together once a fortnight to have a coffee and let the children play (the thursday thirsties). It allowed me to see others in the same boat and know that I was not the only one going through the problems of raising children. I don’t know if any of them knew what I was going through (if they did they did not say and who knows we may have all been going through it together). They were just there and it was a great help.
Possible Therapies
- Thursday thirsties
- Homeopathy
- Cranial Osteopath
- Cognitive therapy
- Art therapy
- Life coach
- Colour therapy